How to say you’re sorry.

The dreaded apology. I know, I know, but sometimes you have to do it. In fact apologizing is not the worst thing in the world to do. In many cases it shows you have respect for the person and yourself. The apology shows that you care more about the other person, rather than your own ego.  But it also depends on the way you apologize to the person, as to the sincerity behind it.

The different ways to say you are sorry.

There are all different ways of apologizing and you need to know how to handle each one.  Because the type of apology you use will indicate how genuine you are being to the other person.

Here’s how to apologize

There is the fake apology. This when you are saying you are sorry, but you don’t really mean it. You could be saying it for a variety of reasons. You might be saying it out of obligation. You might also be saying it because you want the other person to do something for you later. You might also be doing it so that you look like the better person, in order to please your own ego.  It doesn’t matter why it is happening, it’s still not real. Most people will see right through it. A fake apology usually means that they are not sorry and they will do it again. So you can’t let them off the hook with this one.

The apology where you turn it around on the other person. They might say something like, “I’m sorry that YOU felt YOU were being taken for granted. See what I mean? The person is transferring the blame onto you. They are making it out to be your fault, not theirs. If this happens to you, please don’t think that this is going to be a real apology, because it’s not. They are trying to make themselves feel less guilty by sticking you with the clean up. So whatever you do, do not fall for this.

The drunken Apology. The person will be slurring their words and not making much sense. A true apology must come from the heart and must be coherent. Many times a person will get drunk before they apologize and start crying. They dress it up all for show in order to lessen the pain and they will place this huge guilt trip on you. Believe me, I have known people that have done this in the past. They start to cry and shed the tears, making sure that it comes off all heart-felt. They are trying soften their own blow and they are trying to get you to admit that you were a bit harsh.  There isn’t a woman alive who hasn’t tried this. Even a majority of the gay men have gone this route.  But it’s not real, so don’t buy this act for a second.

What does a real apology look like?

A real apology requires you to stand your ground and truly mean it. A real apology includes no manipulations of any kind. It also means that the eye contact is solid throughout. If the eye contact is not there, it’s not going to be real. The next time you have to say you are sorry take a look at how you are doing it and why. Ask yourself if you have a hidden agenda with the apology. If you do, you are better off keeping silent.

It’s one thing to say your sorry, but it’s another thing to mean it.