For the gay readers who are dealing with this problem in college, this can be difficult.
The only thing I can tell you is that it will offer a time and place for tremendous growth. Dating someone who is still in the closet can be tough, especially if you have already found a way to come out while in college.
Why are they still in the closet
There could be many reasons the person you are with is still in the closet. For one, he or she could be afraid of making that journey to being open about who they are. I can tell you firsthand that it is a scary thing to do. Once you take that first step, you are half way there. It is just a question of do you want to take that first step or not. Now this is entirely up to the person at hand. Some can’t wait to come out of the closet and they feel much better once they have. It’s like a breathe of fresh air. Still others are so attached to their closeted-life, that they don’t know anything else. They risk their future by staying in the closet. They do this to avoid the pain. This pain may only be in their head, but they are still choosing to avoid it.
If you know someone like this in college, this can be a tricky thing to figure out. Because in a way, you are putting yourself back in the closet for the relationship. Some may be okay with that, others may not. It just depends on the type of person you are.
Are you dating a closeted man in college?
It’s going to require a great deal of patience and understanding on your part. Some have a easy time with coming out in college and others don’t. Your boyfriend’s life may be requiring him to stay silent, at least for the time being.
Sit down and talk to them
Try to see where they are coming from. You will have to exercise caution and understanding when doing this. If you say the wrong thing you might just push them away. So choose your words carefully.
Some are trying to be something they are not
Some men and women who are in the closet are so deep in denial, they want to be straight. They try so hard to be straight. They are scared to be any other way. They want to walk away from anyone who represents the person they really are. At the end of the day it all comes down to fear.
Don’t place their problems on your shoulders
Just let them work through what they need to work through. At a certain point you will need to make a decision though. If you really love the person, wait and see what happens. But you also need to ask yourself, how long will they ask you to wait. How fair is it to you to put yourself back in the closet for them? They might be comfortable living in the closet, but are you?
The whole point of coming out of the closet is to let go of this huge weight and to live more positively. But the relationship that you are in might be requiring the opposite of you. If you love the person, than try to establish some kind of common ground until they come out of the closet. If it doesn’t get any better, than you may have to consider other alternatives. College is about finding yourself and your own personal freedom.
Are you going to comfortable with putting yourself back in the closet for him?