Obsession versus love
Have you ever met someone and it was in instant connection right from the start? Did you fall instantly for that person? Was it one of the moments where you couldn’t bear a minute or day without them? In fact, the second they left the room you begin to miss them.
You even say to your friends:
“I miss them already.”
And your friends counter with:
“They just left two seconds ago!”
Now some might think that this is romantic and sweet. To a certain extent it is, but when does love border on obsession?
There are a few signs ladies (and gentlemen) to tell whether or not you or someone you know might be involved with an obsessive love saga.
To be fair. I’m only using the term “love” here for effect, because love doesn’t even enter into it. Just to clarify, both men and women can get this way, especially in the younger years. If someone has gone through some sort of trauma in his or her life, this can also have an effect on what he or she does later on.
Does the person you’re with start sending you gifts, even when they don’t have to?
You make it a point to tell them you don’t need anything and yet they do it anyway. Now, a nice little email or letter after the first date is fine. Or even a small bouquet of roses is good, but what if that small bouquet of roses turns into so many flowers and love notes that you don’t know what to do?
Does your person (that you just met. days ago) begin to keep tabs on you?
Does he or she need to know where you are at every minute and what you are doing there, not to mention who you are seeing? Do they slowly cut you off from family and friends because they only want you to spend time with them?
If this rings true to any of you out there, than this could be a major sign that something is wrong.
If the person stops taking care of themselves, because their whole world revolves around you is another clear sign that something is wrong. It’s normal to think of the person all day long and include him or her as the biggest part of your life, but he or she shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of your existence.
Let’s say that you are invited to go out somewhere with your friends and you have been looking forward to it all day.
You have time off from class and you just want to relax and take in the air. Then that person you are seeing starts to throw a fit. He or she throws a fit because you promised to spend that time with them. When in fact you never promised to spend time with them. You only said you would see what you could do. Think about this for a second. You never actually made the promise, you only said you would try, but in their own messed up and twisted way if thinking assumed that it meant that those plans were definite.
So he or she begins to berate you and guilt you with the “You never loved me.”
This happens, of course, in front of your friends or family and they give you those looks of “This is awkward!”
Okay, what is wrong with this picture?
The person is using guilt to get you to spend time with them. When in fact you probably already spend time with them, too much time with them and you just need a break. In every relationship, we all need breaks from one another. It’s natural and healthy. But this behavior is not!
When this happens you need to question what is really going on inside? Chances are the person is not in love, they are more or less seeking control. Also, think about how much of this behavior you are willing to take, before you just get sick of it.
They have already sacrificed their self-respect, don’t sacrifice yours.