I think it’s fairly safe to say that no one wants to be around toxic people.
I think if most of us knew someone was toxic right away, we would go out of our way to avoid him or her. But it can be difficult to tell sometimes. The signs may not always be so black and white. There are may be a lot of color mixed in there.
So what do you do if you find yourself in a situation such as this?
Well first off you need to examine yourself and find out what you’re looking for in a person
Take big, long look in the mirror and figure out what you want from your friends. Chances are the answer to your question will pop up. Your answer will tell you if you already are involved with a friend who is toxic. If the answer doesn’t pop up right away, take a look at some other things.
Examine how you are when you are around him or her.
Are you dismissive? Do you hide away your feelings a lot for fear of what he or she will say? Sometimes when you are involved with a toxic friend you will go out of your way to impress him or her. Even though, truth be told, he or she could care less. They only like it becomes you are stroking their egos. Toxic friends like it when you stroke their egos. It makes them feel important and they will latch onto that. Does your toxic friend put down another friend for no particular reason? When this happens do you rush to defend your friend or do you pile on?
This is something big to examine.
If you find yourself piling on to impress your toxic friend, only to apologize to your other friend later, chances are you already have one in your life. Do you go out of your way to compete for their attention? Toxic friends like to make themselves feel bigger and more attractive than they are. They love the attention that you lavish on them, in spite of the fact that it’s causing you personal pain and it’s stunting your growth as a person. A toxic friend is a bully and an abuser.
He or she will only feel value when they know that it’s causing you to suffer inside. Remember this… they want you to suffer, not them.
If you find yourself in this situation, there are a number of things that you can do.
- Continue to keep your values you in tact and make the amends to grow inside as person.
- Slowly distance yourself from him or her.
- Join a new activity and ask a new friend to come along.
- Do this privately so that he or she will not find out.
- Protect yourself and your personal information.
- Don’t take their calls as much as you once did.
If you behave in the opposite way, you are doing exactly as your toxic friend is doing.
As I said, the best thing you can do is distance yourself and stand on your own two feet. By proving that you are stronger without him or her, they will get the hint. Slowly, but surely he or she will walk away and find someone new to hang around.
When it comes to a toxic friend always remember this they need you, more than you need them!