Unrequited Love: What to Do When Your Feelings Aren’t Reciprocated

So you went on a few dates or you hooked up with someone new and you’re feeling, to put it lightly, “in love”.

Of course you aren’t really in love. What you are feeling is called infatuation, “in lust”, whatever you call it, you are experiencing high levels of emotional attachment and you feel like this could be it.

However, you’re starting to notice that he/she isn’t returning your calls, isn’t texting you back, isn’t asking you out, and quite frankly, doesn’t seem so into you after all.

So what now? Do you keep calling? Do you start praying for a turnaround when you know this is not likely going to happen? What do you do when you see him/her out? Avoid him/her?

All of your questions answered here!

Do I continue to talk to someone who isn’t making the time for me?

The answer, simply, is no. Do not continue to call someone who won’t call you back, text someone who won’t text you back, or offer to meet up with someone who can’t even give you the time of day.

The more you try to talk to this person, the more likely it is he/she will avoid you. The person will begin to find you annoying and will be less likely to talk to you at all.

Not only will the person not talk to you, but the more you reach out to the person (only to get no response) the more crappy you will feel about yourself. Why give someone the satisfaction of knowing how much you like him/her when all they do is blow you off? It will only fuel the person’s ego while deflating yours.

At least if you cut off all ties of communication, you can handle the situation in your own time on your own terms. Don’t let someone tell YOU it’s over; tell them you’re done and walk away. You will feel 100x better about the situation if you put yourself back in control. While TECHNICALLY the person didn’t want you talking to them anyway, if you cut things off on your own terms, getting over him/her will be easier.

But what If I really like him/her?

While you may think you really like him/her, ask yourself this question: how well do I REALLY know this person?

You may have confused lust or a hookup for something more; you may feel more connected to someone than you actually are in reality. It can feel like you know someone when you have been intimate with them, but if you just met the person and you really haven’t known them long, chances are, you don’t know sh*t about the person.

I’ve never had this happen to me before; how can I handle it better?

What you have to do is face the fact that EVERYONE at some point in their life is rejected. Whether you are applying for a job and you don’t get it, you want to make the team and you’re cut, or you fall for someone who isn’t willing to catch you, there are times in your life where you will experience rejection, pain, and heartache.

Think about this: if Jennifer Aniston can get dumped and have her heartbroken in front of the world and have to attend award shows with her ex-husband and his new wife/100 kids, trust me,  you can handle this.

What if I see him/her out? Do I talk to him/her?

The best way to handle this situation is to remain dignified. If you see him/her at a party, in a bar, on campus, whatever, hold your head up high, say hello or nod your head. Whatever you do, do not stop to chat; it will only be awkward for both of you.

And don’t even think about sending him/her a text after a run-in; the last thing you want to do is start things up again after beginning to get over the situation.

Avoid things like drunken calls/texts by removing his/her number from your phone. You don’t want to open that can of worms by trying to talk to your crush when you are feeling depressed, uninhibited, or vulnerable. You will end up saying something you don’t want to say, crying into the phone, or cussing him/her out for ditching you.

What can I do to avoid this in the future?

While there isn’t much you can do to “control” your feelings about someone else, there are a few things you can do to safeguard yourself against getting hurt.

First of all, do not hookup with someone you do not know. You don’t know his/her intentions and hooking up with someone immediately opens the door to emotional attachment early on which is exactly what you DON’T want. Not only that, but the person will view you only as a hookup, and nothing more.

Second, do not obsess over the person or the relationship. Take everything one step at a time, one day at a time. If you start planning into the future (i.e. – picking out your wedding china/kids names), you will only end up hurting yourself if it doesn’t work out.

Last, do not put your expectations on someone else. While you may feel that you are entitled to a serious relationship with someone, the person you are crushing on may not feel the same way. Maybe YOU feel connected and want to take the relationship to the next level, but maybe the person you are seeing only wants to date casually. What you have to do is make sure you know exactly what the other person is thinking/wants before delving completing into a relationship.

Relationships can be tough, especially when you want to be with with someone who doesn’t want you. Unrequited love hurts and can sometimes be more painful than a breakup; no one likes to be rejected, but hey, that’s life.