I, for one, found it hard to escape the saccharine couples kissing on street corners and grinning freshmen girls, flaunting their bouquets of roses like they had just won the Pulitzer Prize.
You’re in the dining hall, I thought as one girl narrowly missed hitting my head with her azalea-lily-carnation assortment (Side note: Seriously? Lilies? It’s a Valentine’s Day assortment, not a funeral arrangement). Put those flowers in a vase where they belong, before I light them on fire.
Allowing myself to lapse into a rare moment of self-pity, I wondered what I imagine to be a common lament on Valentine’s Day:
Why does everyone around me seem to have a significant other? Am I doomed to be alone forever? What if I never find love and am forced to live alone, heating microwave dinners for the rest of my life? (Another side note: this looks ultra pathetic written down and I’m duly sorry for those reading it).
I then mentally slapped myself for being such a Debbie Downer and compiled the following list to not only bring comfort to myself, but to others facing a similar dilemma.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS HAVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND YOU FEEL LIKE EATING TWO YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIES AT ONCE:
Follow these tips and you will make it through the lonely days and hookup-free nights with ease!
1. Use your head.
Take a step back and look at it realistically. Do all the people you consider friends have significant others? My guess is no, not all of them do. Stop being so dramatic.
2. Misery love company.
Go find your friends who are also single and go commiserate with them. If you do that, please do so in private.
3. Do something fun!
Go find your friends who are also single and, rather than commiserating, do something fun. See a movie! Play some Robot Unicorn Attack! Go out to eat and snark at all the happy couples you see! The possibilities are endless.
4. Enjoy your single-ness.
Being in a relationship is expensive. It’s also time-consuming and, at some points, extremely stressful.
As a college student who’s probably already overloaded as is, are you really ready to take on the burden of a relationship? Because it’s way more than just fancy food and trips to the movies.
Little do most people know, effort actually has to be put into relationships for them to be successful.
But don’t force yourself to smile; it’s one of those things that should come naturally.
Honestly, you look more attractive to the opposite sex when you’re happy and smiling and fun and not having a 24/7 pity party about why no one wants to take you out to dinner.
6. Be happy for your friends.
Let your tied-down friends recount their Valentine’s Day adventures. But if they just keep reiterating how romantic and magical and chock full of love their night was ad nauseum, you have my permission to slap them.
I’m not responsible for what may ensue after that.
7. Eat the damn patties.
If you see fit, you can really eat two York Peppermint Patties at once. I won’t tell anyone.