When a guy or girl says, “I’m just not a phone person,” what does it mean? Does he/she really have “phone-phobia” or is this person trying to keep you at bay?

I remember a few years ago my friend Erika told me about how a guy she was dating told her he’s not a phone person; I called BS, but she claimed otherwise. Unfortunately for her, I was right. Turns out her date wanted convenient hook ups and nothing more and used the phone line to keep their “relationship” as casual as possible.

The way I see it? Yes, a guy/girl may not be a phone person and that’s okay. But, if the person really likes you he/she should make an effort.

Example: I hate horror movies; they leave me frightened, unsettled and scarred for weeks if not months. Two years ago, a guy I really liked asked me to watch a horror movie that was banned in the United States. Despite hating the horror genre, I agreed because I liked the guy THAT much–I made the extra effort for HIM.

Sure, I could have chicken out or turned him down, but I may not have had another chance to see him or get to know him, so I took advantage of the opportunity even though it wasn’t the perfect situation for me.

While it’s not fool-proof to expect every person to become a “phone person” for you, it is a red flag if your crush is readily using that excuse early on in your relationship, especially since we try to HIDE our shortcomings in the beginning, not push them to the forefront.

I'm just not a phone person

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If your guy or girl alleges “phone phobia”, ask yourself the following:

A. Does he/she keep in touch with me adequately via e-mail, text, IM and/or Facebook?

The whole point of a phone call is to communicate. If a person keeps in touch via other mediums then a lack of calling is not a big deal–especially early on in a relationship. IM’s, e-mails and to a certain degree, texts can sometimes replace the need for phone conversations all together.

B. Does he/she compensate for the lack of phone calls with more face time?

If your crush is not a phone person and he/she is genuinely interested in you, then this person should want to get to know you better. If your crush is not initiating more dates or face-to-face outings, then chances are his/her “phone phobia” is just a way to avoid having to call you.

C. Does he/she seem attached to the phone when I see him/her in person?

A person who isn’t a “phone person” should be more detached to their phone. He/she should be willing to not pick up phone calls on your date since your crush is “not a phone person.” Compare his texting or call response speed to you vs. his response speed to someone else while around you.

Why? Because if someone obsessed with their phone takes a call during your dinner date, it’s just who they are. If someone who claims to not be a “phone person” takes a call during your dinner date, someone best have died or else it’s a slap in your face!

D. Does he/she call back when you leave a voice mail?

Calling a person back is common courtesy. While “phone phobia” is a reason NOT to call someone, it’s not an excuse to not return a phone call. If the person you’re dating isn’t returning any of your calls, then beware! This behavior is’t just wrong, it’s plain rude.

At the end of the day, it’s important to realize that there’s no set way to know when someone we date is lying or telling the truth about being a “phone person” or not. The best you can do is keep an eye out for red flags and ask yourself if you really want to be with a person who isn’t willing to pick up the phone to be with you.

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