Intimacy Without Sex: The Benefits of a Sexless Relationship in College

In many young lives, college is viewed as a time to express oneself creatively, verbally and yes, even sexually!

In relationships, the word intimacy is typically associated with sex, but just because you are having sex, does that mean you have intimacy?

What if you aren’t ‘doing it’? Does your relationship lack intimacy?

While intimacy is certainly an important part of sex, if you aren’t having it, can you still be intimate?

If you aren’t having sex as often as you think you should be, is something wrong in your relationship?

Intimacy can mean a close sexual relationship, but it can also mean a closeness in general with another individual. Therefore, intimacy can very much exist without sex.

So if you’re someone who’s waiting for the right time (like marriage) to have sex or you’re trying to cut sex out for another reason, there are ways to maintain intimacy without sex.

Be intimate with your emotions.

Something that I would recommend doing every now and then is writing a poem reflecting how you feel about your partner. Share the poem with your partner and let him/her know how you feel.

Write each other love notes or poems; you may be surprised at the response. Sometimes it’s easier to write down your feelings when you have plenty of time to articulate your thoughts and say exactly how you feel.

Handing your partner something hand-written and full of meaning can be a great way to increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship.

Be physical without being TOO physical.

Be affectionate with your partner by being physical with them and there are plenty of ways to do this without being sexual.

Without sexually arousing one another, try massaging each other’s back or hands. You can also try cuddling up next to each other in front of the television and enjoying a spoon session.

Kissing is a great way to show affection and love without getting too sexual as well. Show your love by holding hands in public, rubbing each other’s backs when waiting in line for a movie or stroke his/her hair before falling asleep.

Take it back to your high school days.

Remember in high school when you and your significant other would make-out for what seemed like hours?

While watching a movie or out on a picnic, make-out with your partner!

Take each other out on dates. Going out on dates to restaurants, the movies or even the beach can be romantic and add a bit of spice to your relationship.

Kiss while waiting for your dinner and or kiss his/her hand while watching a movie; do all of those little things to show how much you care about one another.

It’s the little things that matter.

Throwing your arm over her shoulder or holding his hand extra tight are the little things that make a relationship special, fun and cute.

Pay attention to the subtle things your partner says and does and let them know that it’s the little things he/she does that matter to you.

If you decide to not have sex because of religious or spiritual reasons, continue to uphold your beliefs—more power to you! If you’re not having sex for medical reasons, consult a doctor as soon as you can and stay protected and safe!

But if there are other reasons for your decision, talk to your partner and let him/her know what it is you want so your partner won’t feel as though you are shunning or punishing him/her.

Sex is usually easier to obtain than intimacy. Try to achieve intimacy without the use of sex and when you finally reach the level of intimacy you desire, sex will be a more intimate and loving act for both parties involved.