There is nothing more awkward than fighting with your roommate. Whether you started it, he/she started it, or you are both at fault, fighting with the one you live with can be tough.
What you need to do are three things: discuss the fight, come to an agreement, and bury the hatchet.
If you never lay out the problems on the table, you will never get the chance to explain how you feel or hear what your roommate is feeling. If you don’t discuss the problems, you cannot come to some form of an agreement and therefore you won’t be able to move on from the situation.
1. Suggest a Meet.
Ask your roommate via text or phone call if he/she would be willing to meet you in the library, cafeteria, union, etc. for a chat.
Since you are meeting in public, you will both be compelled to remain dignified and not end up screaming in each others faces.
Once you both sit down together, you should ask your roommate why he/she is upset and tell them to say whatever he/she wants to say and you will keep your mouth shut until it’s your turn to talk.
2. Lay it on the table.
Once your roommate lays it all out, you can respond to his/her concerns and then go into what has been bothering you.
If you must, write down your concerns so you don’t forget anything you want to bring up. It will also give you something to refer to during the conversation in case you get sidetracked/distracted. Obviously, don’t write a 10-page list of why you hate your roommate, but jot down a couple of things you definitely want to discuss.
You may be surprised at how the two of you manage a dispute once you decide to handle it in an adult manner.
3. Come to an Agreement.
Now that you both know how the other feels and what has been causing problems, you can start to remedy the situation.
If you must, write out a roommate contract which will respect the boundaries of both parties. If you are arguing because you bring your boy/girlfriend around at all hours or your roommate leaves dirty dishes around the room, put both items in the contract and discuss how you can make it work for both of you.
The last thing you want to do is have the discussion about what has been bothering you and then leave it up in the air. You need to come to an agreement on how to not only fix the current issues, but how to thwart them from reappearing in the future.
4. Bury the Hatchet.
Now that you have discussed what has been bothering the two of you and you have come to some kind of an agreement or understanding, it’s time to let it go.
Do not continue to hold a grudge against your roommate. This will only cause strain for both of you and it will not result in a healthy living situation. If you have both apologized and have decided on a way to make things better, there is no reason why you have to hold on to past indiscretions.
If he/she is willing to let it go, you should do the same. Do not discuss your problems with mutual friends or your partner as it will only fuel the fire for future issues. Either he/she will find out that you have been running your mouth OR by continuing to harp on the issues, your roommate will start to feel the tension between the two of you.
