All Is Fair In Love: The Rules of Fighting Fair with Your Partner

At one point or another, you and your partner are going to fight with each other. Something will happen and a fight will occur. It’s inevitable.

You’re not going to be able to avoid every fight so the least you can do is know how to handle them when they do happen so you can better your relationship in the long run.

Love is a battlefield

We all know the saying “love is a battlefield,” but that does not have to apply to the verbal bloodbaths you may have with one another.

Just because a fight occurs and there are hurt feelings, doesn’t mean there is irreparable damage or a break up looming in the near future.

When in fights with anyone, not just your partner, we all the tendency to want to “play dirty.” Whether playing dirty is through name calling, picking on sensitive issues, or speaking poorly of them to someone else, we’ve all said things we didn’t mean and hurt those we love.

The important thing to remember is to try and avoid using such tactics when a fight ensues.

Establish boundaries and do not cross them

Establish rules/boundaries with your partner. Make a list of things that are off limits to bring up during fights. Anger is a tricky thing and can make us say things that we will live to regret. Regrets are always something we want to avoid, especially if it’s avoidable.

Remember: Once you make the promise not to bring it up, don’t use your anger as an excuse to retaliate.

I once made a big mistake by equating my former boyfriend with his father. The same father who left his mother because of numerous infidelities and abandoned him. That was a line I knew better than to cross and it was almost like an unspoken, but known rule not to bring it up—ever.

In my anger, I retaliated in the worst way possible and brought up and exposed a wound that never should have had the band-aid ripped off.

By breaking the rules and picking on sensitive issues, we tend to take the argument beyond the original topic and bring it to a whole other level of anger that can lead to resentment.

Cool down, calm down

When fighting, there comes a time when it’s time to stop, cool down and think.

At some point, everyone needs to take a step back from the situation and see everything with a clear head and a clear perspective.

After thinking it through and coming to conclusions, there comes the part that everyone seems to dread: saying sorry.

The apologies

Just like the fight before it, saying sorry is inevitable.

Ditch your ideas of “winning the fight” or “making him/her suffer” by holding back your apology. You’re no less of a girlfriend or boyfriend by coming forward and saying sorry.

It doesn’t mean you “lost” and he/she “won”— It means that you care enough about your relationship to be the first one to move towards reconciliation and happiness.