Whether we like to admit it or not, our friends are just like us. Why are you friends with certain people? Because you have things in common with them.
But what about when the person you are seeing has a questionable group of friends? What about that one sketchy friend that rubs you the wrong way? Or the party animal who you fear steers your hunny in the wrong direction? Are his/her friends an indicator of who he/she REALLY is?
We’ve all been in relationships; but what happens when you are also in a relationship with his/her friends? What happens if you don’t like the company he/she keeps?
Problem 1: It’s His/Her Best Friend
This is a tough, and let me say again, a TOUGH problem to overcome in any relationship. If you don’t like the person who your boy/girl spends most of his/her time with, takes advice from, and views as family, this could be a huge problem.
Unless you have stated otherwise, your significant other probably doesn’t know how you feel, but holding it in will inevitably add strain to your relationship in one way or another.
I hate to break it to you, but if you want to be with the person you are with, you have to make an effort to like his/her best friend.
Try to spend more time with the best friend
This will give you the chance to see if you have things in common, if there are things about him/her that you do like, and to give your relationship the chance to form into a real friendship (rather than forcing it just because of who you are dating).
If you give him/her a chance, you may find that you actually have the same sense or humor, like a lot of the same things, or went to the same summer camp. If you don’t make the effort, however, you will never know!
If it’s just not working out
Let the two of them have their time together, but let them have it as a twosome. If you know they are going out together or as a group, schedule other plans. If you know he/she is coming over, get out of the apartment/house.
Unless you feel comfortable telling your significant other how you feel about his/her best friend, I would try to avoid the friend as much as possible. This way, you get out of spending MORE time with him/her, you don’t seem like a pain in the ass for asking your partner to spend less time with the friend, and you can use the time to do things for yourself.
Problem 2: It’s just ONE Friend in the Group
This is a pretty easy one to deal with, especially if the person isn’t extremely close to your partner.
If you don’t like a friend within the group, you do have the option of telling your partner how you feel.
Look at it this way: if you had a friend that your partner did not like, wouldn’t you want to know so you could either keep them apart, OR clue your friend in so he/she can make a better impression on your man/lady?
Let your significant other in on how you feel; you never know, he/she may feel the same way about this person, especially if the friend is obnoxious or has some other non-redemable quality.
If you are honest with your partner, he/she may take your feelings into consideration the next time he/she is planning a group get-together or dinner and may avoid inviting the friend who bugs you. I am not saying your partner will automatically cut this person out of their life, but you may be able to get out of seeing him/her if you are honest about it.
Be thankful that you only hate ONE friend, and not the whole bunch.
Problem 3: You Hate the Whole Bunch
This problem is NOT good. It’s one thing to dislike a single person, but if you hate his/her entire group of friends, this is a huge problem.
If this is the case, you really have to not only look within the group, but to your partner as well. Ask yourself what it is about the friends that bug you so much, because 9 times out of 10, your partner is JUST LIKE THEM.
Whether the friends tell inappropriate jokes or they act like drunken skanks in public, you need to stop paying attention to what the friends are doing and more attention to what your partner is doing.
We are attracted to our friends because they are similar to us; does your partner act the same way as these friends you hate?
Even if you don’t want to admit it, I would be willing to bet that if you took a closer look at your partner, he/she would begin to resemble the friends you don’t like. Maybe you didn’t notice it at first because you were distracted by the relationship, but know that the apple does not fall far from the tree.
If this is the case, you need to break it off with your boy/girlfriend and move on.
If your partner is fine, but the group is still bugging you, use your relationship to form friendships with other couples, new friends, and build off the friendships from your circle of pals.
Invite your friends around as much as he/she invites their group. Make sure to take your friends up on any offer they may have to introduce you to NEW people so the two of you can form new relationships and friendships. It will also give you something to bond over.
In relationships, we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, it’s all a part of the game. Friendships are no different; consider yourself lucky if you like all of his/her friends, if not, either accept them, avoid them, or make it easy on yourself and start dating loners.