Relationship Aftermath: Keeping Your Mutual Friends

Breakups are never easy, no matter what. Most of the time, they are messy, frustrating, hurtful, and have many bad feelings mixed in. Sometimes, they end mutually – no hard feelings, just the simple understanding that it was time to let go. However your relationship with your significant other may have ended, there is still one aspect of relationship aftermath that continues to baffle and frustrate me.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a personal story from my life, and since it was well-received I am going to go out on a limb once again and share another story from my repertoire of “Abbey’s Awkward Life Stories”:

First semester of this school year, I dated a gentleman I will call “Robert”. We didn’t date for too long, and when it ended it was mutual, but not without some bad feelings. After a few weeks had passed and we had discussed our fallout with one another, we became friends. Before Robert and I had started dating, I was already friends with his two roommates and my friendship continued with both of his roommates after our dating relationship dissolved. Eventually, due to his new girlfriend and poor attitude, my friendship with Robert ended as well, bringing us to last week’s events.

Last week, his roommates, their significant others and myself all went out to eat. On our way, we ran into Robert, who we invited to come along with us. Thankfully, he declined, but instead texted one of his roommates moments later ranting about how upset he was that his friends were still, not only talking to me, but inviting me into their apartment and hanging out with me. Thankfully, my friend stuck up for me, responding to his tirade with “she’s still our friend and we love her. Go put on your big-boy pants.” Robert did not speak to his roommate for 4 days after the incident.

My frustration here is obvious: Why should I lose friends because they happen to be my ex’s roommates? In these types of situations, the most productive way to deal with it is to be as mature as possible. Starting an argument and not speaking someone because they choose to be friends with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is immature and adds friction to not only the relations with the former significant other, but your friends as well.

Making your friends choose sides, making them feel guilty for staying friends with your ex, or giving them ultimatums is unfair to all parties involved. Regardless of how your relationship ended, even if you both hate each other, don’t get your friends involved. Your issues are simply yours – no one asks to get involved, so don’t let them become a part of the mess.

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