When you’re in a relationship, is it EVER okay to go through your partner’s e-mail, phone, texts and/or possessions?
I had a friend (let’s call her Deb) who definitely thought so.
She went to the extreme— she would go through her boyfriend’s text messages and contacts every week, checked his e-mails after figuring out his password and since her boyfriend didn’t have a Facebook, she would browse his friend’s Facebook profiles for evidence of his infidelity.
While her situation makes her sound psychotic and unbalanced, think about women like Eva Longoria Parker and Elin Nordegren were kept in the dark by their husbands. The point? You never know what your partner is doing when you aren’t around.
I know this topic is going to open a can of worms as people who have been cheated on will vehemently insist that going into their boy/girlfriend’s e-mails, texts and personal possessions is not a big deal and people who have had their privacy invaded will beg to differ.
Is Spying Okay?
Yes–with strings attached. Unfortunately in this day and age, it’s very easy for a person to cheat on their significant others. What’s more, if you have a suspicion, then doing a little digging can put you at ease!
It’s important to always remember that going through someone’s stuff IS an invasion of privacy no matter who they are to you. NEVER feel entitled to go through someone’s stuff; if you decide to do it, be aware that if you get caught, you could find yourself in a sticky situation.
Bad Example: My friend Deb got caught by her boyfriend one time and naturally, he got mad at her. She, in turn, got mad at him for getting mad at her because she felt that she was entitled to his e-mail password.
When is it Okay?
It’s only okay if you do this ONCE IN A WHILE. I can’t stress that enough. If you’re curious or suspicious, fine. But if you find yourself going on a weekly pat down of your partner’s phone/computer–you have a problem!
Bad Example: Deb would conduct a weekly check of her boyfriend’s e-mail and phone. She conducted these so religiously that she would notice any new added contacts and would then write down the numbers and call them from a pay phone to make sure they were the right names. That’s NOT okay.
OKAY Scenario’s include:
A) You have a doubt. His/Her behavior has changed, you have a bad gut feeling, etc. BUT: After your doubts are erased, you have no reason to check again.
B) He or she has cheated before. It takes time to rebuild trust. If you need to verify, that’s okay. BUT: If you find yourself “verifying” for the next 2 years, then chances are your relationship is beyond repair.
C) Someone has tipped you off about his/her shady behavior
What Does Spying Mean About Your Relationship?
Snooping once means you’re curious or doubtful.
Snooping regularly means you don’t trust your boyfriend/girlfriend. You can sugar coat it however you want, but snooping points to a lack of trust.
If you are like “Deb” and feel compelled to check your boy/girlfriend’s phone, then you need to consider why you are doing it and if a breakup is the best solution. If you don’t trust your partner, what is the point?
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