How to Survive the Morning After With Dignity

Does life after college save room for the infamous “morning after drill,” or is this particular situation undergraduate-specific?

good morning

Given the three semesters I have left (combined with my current committed relationship) I can’t answer that …yet.

But with five semesters under my belt and a tumultuous relationship with cheap vodka, I have swapped spit with those I didn’t know.


Because in the words of Willow Smith, the most fascinating prepubescent musician right now, I’ve “whipped my hair back and forth” and may have dabbled with this topic myself.

NOTE: I didn’t say I slept with anyone, I said “dabbled.” So, don’t jump to any conclusions (please and thank you).

There is an art to the morning after, however, but I have yet to encounter anyone worthy of receiving any accolades for pursuing this art-form. Which is why I’ve decided to help you and your dreary mornings filled with confusion and inappropriate footwear to face the outside world:

The College Guide to a Successful Morning After – Because it should exist.


This article is in no way suggesting that you should shave your legs, go out, drink too much and find yourself lying next to someone who looked damn sexy through your beer goggles the night before. This is a guide to help you avoid an awkward morning-after, so if you know you are spending the night at his/her place, come prepared and you will leave a good impression (rather than your dignity) behind.

Bonus Tips:

– Make sure to always ask for a bottle or glass or water to leave next to the bed for when you wake up in the middle of the night with cat-tongue or for the dry throat you will experience in the morning.

– Try to gather your clothes into a pile near wherever you are sleeping; this way, the morning won’t be an awkward, naked-run around the room trying to find your socks.

– If you are a girl and you KNOW you are spending the night somewhere other than your own bed, pack the essentials before heading out: makeup (or makeup remover), a brush/comb, and fem products if necessary.

1. Your breath should be addressed:

brush up on finger

Nothing screams “don’t call me tomorrow” like dragon breath.

Save yourself the humiliation of talking through closed lips and purchase an Oral B “Brush Up.” Excuse yourself after the infamous morning meet-and-greet and head to the bathroom. You will pat yourself on the pat for being prepared when you can kiss him/her goodbye without offending.

Nothing says ‘responsible AIT’ (Adult-In-Training) like sticking one of these babies in your pocket or purse.

2. An Extra Set of Undies = Happy Privates

No one wants to date the stinky kid so pack an extra pair, it’s the right thing to do.  When you’re dehydrated, tired, and dirty from last night’s late-night antics, you’ll be thrilled to find a glorious pair of fresh underwear.

3. Spare Change Anyone?

It’s your fault you ended up here, now it’s time to get yourself home.  If you can’t depend on a good friend to pick you up the morning after or your “host” to return you to your rightful home, then make sure you have some dough for a cab.


If you failed to follow the steps above, then you don’t want to impose on this new found “friend” and ask him/her to drive you, your bad breath and dirty underwear-sporting-self home.

The list continues and covers everything from showering the night before to maybe packing deodorant, but I have faith you’d do that without my telling you to.

It’s the weekend, so go out, have fun, and follow these steps; you’ll thank me in the morning.

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