Okay, so you cheated. What now?
First of all, you have to figure out why you cheated. Was it a drunken mistake you wish never happened? Was it something a long-time-coming? Are you subconsciously trying to get rid of your significant other? Do you really love your significant other, but couldn’t resist the temptation?
Once you get to the bottom of the situation, you can begin to remedy it!
Situation #1: It was a drunken mistake and you wish it never happened.
This is a sticky situation, but in this case, your relationship can often times be salvaged. But first you have to make a decision: do you tell your s/o about your tryst?
I should be honest here, if all you did was kiss some loser for a second or something along those lines, it was unplanned and you really AREN’T going to do it again, there is no need to lose trust over something so stupid. In this case, keep your mouth shut and don’t do it again. If this does not apply to you, please read on!
Depending on the severity of your cheating, your s/o is going to feel angry, betrayed and hurt by your behavior. If you tell, you have to be prepared for the possibility of the relationship ending for good.
Tell him/her immediately.
If you try to hide what happened from your s/o, you run the risk of them finding out from someone else or worse, breaking down and telling them when you are wasted. Now a days, there is too much risk with Facebook photos as evidence or rumors at a small school when your hookup starts to talk. It’s not easy living with a huge secret anyway, so my advice would be to get it off your chest and let the chips lie where they may.
Explain what happened.
Take the time to explain the situation and play up any details that may leave you less at fault. “I don’t even remember what happened…” or “I was wasted and she kissed me, but I pushed her off as soon as it happened…” Whatever you have to say to get your s/o back on your side, say it.Think you can’t handle doing it in person? Write your loved one a letter; that way you can explain everything in a calm and rational manner and deal with the emotional part afterward.
Do whatever you can to make it right.
Whether this means cooking him his favorite meal, buying her flowers, or giving your s/o their space, do it, and do it well.Show him/her how sorry you are and how much you care by trying to remedy the situation. If he has a dirty apartment, clean the floor with a toothbrush. If she needs an oil change on her car, get those elbows greasy.
You know what they say:
Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, you bet your cheating ass they do.
Situation #2: It was a long time coming
Usually in situations like this, the couple has been dating for a while and the two are in a rut. There is a lot of arguing about stupid things, sometimes jealousy issues and the two have been growing apart for a while.
At this point, the cheating will usually lead to exactly what you want: a break up. The best way to handle this situation? Tell your s/o and go in knowing this is the end of your relationship.
Don’t bother with details.
Bite the bullet and tell your s/o that you cheated and that it’s over. You don’t need to be a jerk, but just tell it to em’ straight. Things haven’t been right for a while and you don’t want to hurt each other any more.
If you want to still salvage the relationship
Use the cheating as a way to explain that you have a lot of other issues you need to work through in your relationship, and that this was just one of many. If it’s meant to be, you two can work through this bump in the road and move forward toward a healthier relationship.
Situation #3: Temptation got the better of you
Giving in to temptation can mean one of two things; one, you were wasted and a hot chick/guy looked better than the beer in your hand, or you really are turned on by someone other than you s/o and you may want to explore that option.
If you realized you want to be with your s/o
follow the tips from above and try to remedy the situation. Don’t fret about something stupid like a kiss if it didn’t mean anything, but if it was something more, you might want to consider owning up to your mistake.
Temptation is what you seek.
If you realized you are very interested in pursing your secret hookup, do it with some sensitivity. Consider the fact that what you are feeling may only be lust and not love for this other person, and that by moving on to your hookup hottie means saying goodbye to your current relationship.If you decide to cut your current sweetheart loose, there isn’t a NEED to tell him/her about your infidelity, but you also shouldn’t advertise it. Take some time off after the breakup to gather your thoughts and make sure it is what you want before you do some serious damage. If you decide your hookup is the way to go, keep it on the down-low so you don’t upset your ex. Keep in mind he/she is probably broken up about the situation and doesn’t want to see you with someone else right away. Realize that you are at college, people talk, take pictures, etc, and if the people at the party/bar know, your ex WILL find out.
It’s all relative
If you want to keep your cheating tryst a secret, then don’t advertise it with fireworks.