We are all familiar with the uninvited guest. Perhaps each of us have known maybe one or two people that fit that bill. You know the one I’m talking about too.
The one that hangs around at the end of the evening to see what you will be doing next. The person that invites him or herself over to your place without so much as asking. She or he might have been someone who you invited over for Christmas dinner, just to be polite. Maybe you felt sorry for the person, because he or she didn’t have anywhere to go. SO you made the choice to invite them over.
But now that choice is biting you in the butt, isn’t it?
I mean it’s absolutely normal if you just moved in and someone goes out of their way to extend a warm. He or she may be friendly and offer to help you out. Maybe let you use your wifi in the dorm until you get yours hooked up. It’s only natural and normal for many of us to go out of our way to help a new friend. But when does the boundary line end up getting crossed? I mean he or she might invite you over to dinner just to get to know you and spend time with you. But should you really expect an open invitation every night because of this?
Will this person call you everyday, several times a day, just to know what you are up to and if you would like some company. This might sound like normal friendly behavior. But is it, really?
Does the person make it a habit to invite themselves out with you, even when not invited. Let’s say that you have plans to go out with a friend or even a boyfriend after class. Does this new friend have a tendency to show up at the last minute and ask if they can come along? I mean you could have plans to go running with a friend. Than you get the dreaded phone call wanting to know what you are up and if he or she can join.
And what if you tell them that they can’t come along. Does he or she pout and get upset and feel let down? What if the only reason you begin to let them tag along is due to obligation? This is not healthy? For you or for them……
For one, you are not responsible for their life. You may have gone out of your way a few times to help out, but you don’t owe them the rest of your life. Think about this for a second. They should not be holding you accountable for giving them a life. You have your own life going and they need to stand on their own two feet. Yes, college is a great place to meet new people and make some awesome new friends, but it’s also a place where you will run into the clingy and need people. You need to know how to handle it too, otherwise you could come off sounding like the bad guy when you aren’t trying to be.
Here are a few tips for dealing with an uninvited and clingy friend or guest:
1)Set boundaries…..take a few days to respond to an email or phone call. Let then know very subtly that you are busy. Responding right away will give them the wrong message and encourage their behavior even more.
2) Introduce them to the world. Maybe they have been sheltered for far too long. Let them see new people and new things…that way they won’t depend on you as much.
3) Don’t go to events together. Tell them to meet you there. That way they can get the confidence to do more things on their own and not wait for you.
4) Buy tickets to something and than tell them you can’t go. This will encourage them to look for new friends. This will lessen the dependence that they have on you.
Never assume anything and always remember this. We all need different thing in life. Maybe they need more time that you are okay with giving them.
Maybe he or she is looking for a best friend, whereas you are not?